By Sharon (SD) Mac
When Steve took his last breath, I swear mine forgot how to work for a bit.
I didn’t just lose my husband…I lost my partner, my best friend, my mentor, and my favorite debate opponent. The man who could talk for hours about theology, music, branding, and which business model would change the world this week…My Visionary…
Contrary to popular belief, I was the free tech support in our marriage. 😂
He’d call from the other room, “Babe, what’s wrong with this computer?” and I’d yell back, “Did you try turning it off and on?” That was our love language.
But beyond that, we were each other’s sounding boards. We’d stay up late at night discussing business ideas, me with my whiteboard, him with his notepad. We’d run through pros and cons, challenge each other’s strategies, and when the plan made sense…we’d execute.
I’d get my free sales lessons, creative perspective and logic checks from him. It was like our own nightly board meeting at the kitchen table, living room, fishing docks (Yes, we love to go fishing together). Even when we had different businesses, he never stopped guiding me. But he also trusted me.
He believed in me, even on the days I didn’t. That kind of support… you don’t forget.
After he was gone, everything felt too quiet. I missed those long talks…not just because I lost my partner, but because I lost the one person who challenged and believed in me to think bigger, sharper, and stronger in everything I did and constantly reminded me that we were partners and that God created us to help each other out…I was his helper and he was the head of our household…
The house got so quiet I could hear the refrigerator judging me for crying over hot coffee.(He used to brew cold coffee for me) His toothbrush was still in the holder. His shoes by the door. My brain was still expecting him to walk in and say, “Hi my love…Hey Babe, what’s for dinner?” And I’d still answer out of habit-“Food.”
Reality hit like a brick wrapped in grief.
I had little money, barely any work, and even less motivation. I remember staring at bills like they were written in Greek. (Ironically, I knew Steve could’ve translated them…he literally read Greek.)
Some days I’d drive just to cry. Parking lots, lake sides, grocery store lots…name it, I’ve had a prayer breakdown there. One time, I was crying in my van and the lady next to me knocked on my window thinking I was choking. I laughed mid-tears and said, “No ma’am, just healing.”
The house felt empty, and so did my drive…for a while…(4 years to be exact)
But even in that silence, God whispered reminders: “I’m still with you.”
When I didn’t know how to make ends meet, He sent people. When I didn’t have work, He sent opportunities. When I didn’t have words, He sent peace.
Grace showed up in small ways…
Not like fireworks. More like a gentle reminders: a full tank of gas, a text message, a meal dropped off at the door.Takeout containers or random text messages that say, “You got this.”
That’s when I learned that grace doesn’t always roar…sometimes it whispers, “Keep going.” God was carrying me through it all…
Steve and I used to say, “We don’t stop serving, no matter what.” So, even when I wanted to tap out, I remembered that promise.
That’s when grace stopped being a word and became the air I breathed. It didn’t erase the pain…it eased it…
If you’ve ever been in that place…trying to pray but all you can do is sigh…you’re not alone. Ive been there, too…
The truth is, I didn’t get up because I was strong. I got up because God refused to let me stay down and He wouldn’t let me quit. I remembered a month before Steve got Covid. When I couldn’t walk, stand up or lay down. I told him, babe I’m tired. I can’t take this pain anymore…During those days, all I could do was listen to sermons and read my bible and hang on to every single word of God… Steve was there, guiding me, encouraging me and reminding me, that we are soldiers for Christ. And that, you can be down for just a minute,but you cannot stay down too long. You have to get back up, ofr the God we serve is bigger and stronger than us!
And that my friend, is what grace does. It holds you together when everything else falls apart…
Soli Deo Gloria!
To God alone be the glory!
“Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.” -2Timothy 2:3
“Resolved, never to give over, nor in the least to slacken, my fight with my corruptions, however unsuccessful I may be.” -Jonathan Edwards, Resolution, 56
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