By Sharon (SD) Mac
For as long as I was with Steve, I worked.
And when I wasn’t working, I was caring for him.
Serving him.
Helping him.
Supporting him.
Loving him the best way I knew how.
That was my rhythm.
My normal.
My life.
My calling as his wife.
And I wouldn’t change a single thing about it.
Not one.
If God gave me a chance to do it all again…
every hospital visit,
every late night medicine reminder,
every appointment,
every prayer over him,
every sacrifice…
I’d do it without hesitation.
Because serving Steve was never a burden.
It was an honor…By serving him, I was able to serve God.
A privilege God entrusted to me.
But when he passed…
my hands didn’t know what to do.
My heart didn’t know where to go.
My body didn’t know how to rest.
The truth is…
I never stopped working.
Not once.
From the moment Steve and I met again years ago,
I’ve been pouring out,
giving,
supporting,
fighting,
showing up,
surviving,
and trying to be strong for everyone around me.
And somewhere in all of that…
I forgot how to take care of myself.
I forgot what rest even felt like.
I forgot what it meant to sit down without guilt.
I forgot that I had a soul that needed tending too.
For years, my life was about serving Steve…
and when he went home to be with the Lord, instead of resting…
I kept serving everything else:
work,
responsibilities,
survival,
bills,
tasks,
others,
life…
without ever stopping to breathe.
Grief didn’t give me a break…
and I didn’t know how to give myself one either.
There were days my body felt tired down to the bones, but I kept going.
There were nights I cried myself to sleep,
then woke up and worked like nothing happened.
There were moments I knew I was breaking, but I kept pushing anyway.
Because stopping felt wrong.
Resting felt foreign.
And taking care of myself felt like something I didn’t deserve…
not after losing him.
But the road has a way of teaching you things you didn’t ask to learn.
And slowly… very slowly…
I can hear God whispering to my heart:
“Daughter… you’re allowed to rest.”
“You served well. Now let Me take care of you.”
“You’re not failing Steve by healing.”
Part of The Road of Grace isn’t just surviving.
It’s learning how to live again.
Learning how to breathe again.
Learning how to surrender to God to restore the parts of you that were poured out for so long…
I served Steve with everything in me, because I was serving God through him…
And now, God is teaching me
healing me,
rebuilding me,
remindin me that I’m still His daughter…his soldier….
I’m still learning this.
Still growing in it.
Still struggling to rest, even now.
Still working nonstop because it’s all I’ve known for so long.
But this journey — this Sojourner road —
is where God is teaching me the balance between being a soldier…
and being His child.
I served Steve, the one I loved.
Now I’m learning how to take care of the one Steve loved…
Me.
Soli Deo Gloria!
To God Alone be the Glory!
“Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.” -2Timothy 2:3
“Resolved, never to give over, nor in the least to slacken, my fight with my corruptions, however unsuccessful I may be.” -Jonathan Edwards, Resolution, 56
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