By Sharon (SD) Mac
The morning after the ER visit, I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a wave I never saw coming.
My head was pounding.
My body felt heavy.
My soul felt numb.
Everything inside me wanted to stay in that chair…to curl up, cry, and disappear for a while.
Just for a day.
Just for an hour.
Just to breathe without the weight of everything collapsing.
But grief doesn’t pause life.
Bills still come.
Responsibilities still wait.
Work doesn’t disappear just because your world has.
So I got up.
I showered.
I sat in front of my computer…
and I worked.
I showed up to meetings.
Answered messages.
Tried to sound normal.
Nodded at things I didn’t fully hear.
What some people didn’t know was that I was working through a concussion…
and a mild stroke.
And the deepest heartbreak of my life.
No one knew the tears that streamed down during breaks.
No one knew I had just buried my husband.
No one knew I had been in the ER the night before.
I didn’t have the luxury of falling apart.
I had responsibilities…
and I had to survive.
And the truth is,
I still haven’t taken a real break.
Not then.
Not now.
Even today, I am still working.
Still pushing.
Still carrying.
Still building.
Some people say grief gets easier with time.
Maybe for some.
But for me, time didn’t make it easier…
time just made me stronger.
Not because I am strong by nature…
but because God kept giving me strength I didn’t have.
Every day became a kind of training ground.
Wake up.
Work.
Cry.
Pray.
Move.
Repeat.
The discipline of survival became the earliest steps of Stratiotology in my life…
the soldier part of me forming without me even knowing it.
Steve used to teach me that being a soldier for Christ isn’t about fighting battles loudly.
Sometimes it’s the quiet ones.
The invisible ones.
The ones you face alone in your bedroom when no one sees your pain but God.
That was my battlefield.
That was my training.
That was my endurance.
Looking back now, I realize something I couldn’t see then:
I wasn’t just surviving.
I was being shaped.
Refined.
Strengthened.
Prepared.
Prepared for the journey I’m walking now.
Prepared for the foundation.
Prepared to help those who are where I once was…
broken, tired, overwhelmed, and trying to work through the pain.
God didn’t give me a break,
He gave me endurance.
He built my resilience.
He kept my feet moving when my heart was shattered.
And even now, as I continue working day after day,
I remind myself:
I am not walking on my own strength.
I never was.
And I never will be.
Soli Deo Gloria!
To God Alone be the Glory!
“Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.” -2Timothy 2:3
“Resolved, never to give over, nor in the least to slacken, my fight with my corruptions, however unsuccessful I may be.” -Jonathan Edwards, Resolution, 56
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